I caught my hubby
 

I know this probably belongs to some women forum but I figure why not ask the men themselves.

Long story short, I found out that my husband has been seeing prostitutes in the last 2.5 years and flipped out. He said he's sorry and will not do that again. He's willing to let me monitor all his finance and online/phone activities.

I'm pretty sure my husband is not the first men to have been caught. To those who have been caught, did you really change?

I want to know whether I can trust him that he will not do that again.

Re: I caught my hubby
 

pretty sure 10/10 he won't change. and if you keep pursuing this matter then its divorce most likely.

Re: I caught my hubby
 

Personal view will be it is definitely very difficult for outsider like us to comment further on this.

Ultimately it will depends on yourself whether will you trust and believe your husband, and whether your husband is committed in the relationship especially in the long term.

No matter what, all the best!

Re: I caught my hubby
 

I'm sure he can change but you need to find out why he ended up seeking gratification from prostitutes instead of within the sanctity of marriage.

Unless the root cause of the problem is removed it is hard to move on.

Re: I caught my hubby
 

If u marry a ti ko peh....very hard for him to change...even if u give him incredible sex he is still going to eat outside....you just have to constantly monitor his movement for a period of time to make sure he change....last thing u want is him to pass HIV to u by accident...:p

Re: I caught my hubby
 

sometimes know less is a better option

it takes two hands to clap

Re: I caught my hubby
 

If he really loves you, he'll change for the better. Dont make hasty decisions in the heat of the moment. I understand that its hard for us to really understand how you're feeling now.
But i've known of couples that became closer after going through such "test".

It all boils down to you. Are you able to forgive and forget? If no, then are you able to continue living with him despite this incident?

And also, some people above mention that you should ask yourself, why is he seeking sexual satisfactions outside?

Re: I caught my hubby
 

YES we will change but for only 1-2 years, than back again. Maybe you didn't give him enough sex.

Re: I caught my hubby
 

I am pursuing the matter and would seek for a divorce. He said he would like to be given a chance.

Trust is definitely lacking now but he said time will prove that he could change.

Knowing less is not an option, I do not want to live my life with my head buried in the sand. I do agree though that both parties are responsible when the marriage is not working. I don't, however, believe that I have anything to do with his decision to seek for prostitutes. Men seek for prostitutes for various reasons but very often blaming the wife is just a convenient excuse. Like what Maxsee has mentioned, even if he's having incredible sex with his wife, he might still go.

Re: I caught my hubby
 

Trust me, I've asked. He has many reasons but frankly speaking, I don't think he really know the exact reason. He said he's horny. Who doesn't? If you're horny, look for your wife or just take care of it yourself. He said he's curious. Ok sure but why continue after the first time? He also said he was depressed but he forgot that his depression period came much later after his first time.

Frankly, does anyone know why they do this? I think it's really just a case of "I want so I go". But he hasn't done this before so why start now? What change? Best I could come up with, it's a crime of opportunity. He doesn't travel much for work but his first time was when he was in China for work. I guess once he started, he just couldn't stop.

And then of course, sex within marriage is bad, and has always been bad. Before we got married, he started having problem keeping it up and decided he wasn't attracted to me for sex. I thought he was desensitized due to masturbation + porn. Long story short, we have sex only a few times a year and only when he initiates.

So he's dissatisfied with sex and that's probably why he seeks for prostitutes. The point is, however, I was also dissatisfied but no longer pursue this matter after ongoing rejections. I know having sex a few times a year is not normal but I just assumed he has low libido. If he's dissatisfied, shouldn't he talk to me instead of seeking help outside? If he asked and I refused him then yes, he has a valid reason.

I can't identify the root cause because only he himself knows that. That's why I'm here to ask. He said he just made a bad decision. That he can always live without it and it wasn't that fun after all. That he thought he has been trying to stop anyway but I caught him before that. That he thought I didn't care about him because I was always busy doing other things.

What we are doing now is to reconnect and have sex everyday. I don't know whether that helps but we are much more intimate then ever. Is this enough to stop him? Is losing his wife and family enough to stop him?

Re: I caught my hubby
 

I've read many stories online where the wandering husband ended up never being truthful and never stopping their activities. It's so bad that it makes me question how my husband could be different. You said there're couples who've gone though such test and came out stronger, is it true? Are they happy now? Did the husband stop?

I can forgive but not forget. It hurts every time I think about it but I will stay as long as he remains faithful because I love him.

Re: I caught my hubby
 

I see this issue as case by case at what type your husband and urself is? There was a high profile underage sex exposed which involved many high profile people and my friend is 1 of them and he did not cover his face when he comes of the court and whole world knows it. He is married with 2 lovely kids.

His wife was mad and embarrassed by what his husband has done. however both party manage to sit down and talk things out and now they are a happy family with closer bond. And yes he stop all the outside sex activities.

Another closed friend of mine, very active in outside sex where his wife is a beauty with world class assets but why he does not have sex with her often? I ask him 1 day and he replied me in a very simple statement." Would you even touch your wife if she keep yelling at you? disrespect you? I realize he loses his status at home and loses his dignity. He found a little comfort zone with prostitute that listen to him..:o

Re: I caught my hubby
 

Just a view from outside ...

The Bad
1. It has happened. It's out there. There's nothing that can turn back time.
2. Your relationship as husband and wife has suffered many years. it will take time and a lot of will to work to improve things.

The Good
1. You still love him
2. IMO, he still loves you
3. And he wants to stay married and will do anything for the family

Call it opportunity, temptation, curiosity or plain horny. He could have sought emotional refuge in the arms of another woman. Instead, what he did was to have an avenue for his physical urge. And if he's level-headed and follows Big Boss' Tip No. 4, then really he is not in love with the working gals. He still loves you.

Bottom line is you BOTH must want your marriage to work.
It means forgiving as hard as it is. It means putting effort and time in re-building.

Not sure how the daily sex is working out for you. Seems like you have swung from one extreme (a few times a year) to the other (banging everyday!) I mean, hell if you drain him dry every day, there's really very little urge or ability to shoot any more elsewhere. Just beware of overkill :D

You can move on and gradually bring intimacy back.
Intimacy is not just sex. It's sharing your dreams together - the kids' future, growing old together, talking walks, dinners, being together without saying anything. Go on a holiday. Catch a concert.

I can imagine your burning desire to know if your husband will change for the better or not. while it's not wrong to seek opinion, sometimes hearing too many perspectives is confusing and will negatively hold you guys back from progressing. Letting friends, relatives and lawyers know IMO is really counter-productive. Confide in one or two trustworthy ones and yes anonymously venting here is OK.

When you got married, you made a vow to stay together thru good time s and bad. This is but one of those bad patches. I'm not belittling the indiscretion and betrayal of trust, but life can have harsher issues and much worse patches. Believe that your marriage is stronger than this episode. Believe that if you both want it, you can survive this.

The answer to your question really depends on you both, you write your own ending in your story.

best wishes ;)

Re: I caught my hubby
 

Personally, a woman coming to a sex forum is worse than guys visiting prostititutes..

To me such a woman is worse than a prostitute. Ask ur husband if he minds u visiting a forum filled with horny men while u share intimate details of ur marriage

However if ur intention is to find someone to cheat with.. pls PM me :D

Re: I caught my hubby
 

Sis

One probable cause he visit prostitution is he want frenching with pretty and sexy young lady. In that case you must ensure you are forever a pretty and sexy young lady.