I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Ben…”
He looked back at me, his perfect face pale “No, Emma. I’m sorry, but I’m not as strong as you. I need to go back.”
Irritated, I let out, “You not knowing won’t make it any less real, Ben.”
He shook his highlighted head at me. “I know that. But, in this case, ignorance is better.” Teren exhaled softly and Ben ran a hand through his hair and looked back at him, still staring at the ground. “I can’t sleep, Teren. Every bump, every dark corner…I just keep wondering what else is out there.”
He sighed and put a hand on Teren’s shoulder, as Teren finally looked up. “It’s not you…it’s the possibilities you represent.” He pointed outside, to the house Teren had been interested in last night. “I mean, just walking over here, I thought I saw something in the shadows.” He brought both hands to his face and leaned over his knees. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, I just can’t live this way.”
He stayed bent over while I fumed silently, more angry over Teren’s loss than Ben’s choice. Teren only sighed again and put his hand on Ben’s back. “Okay, Ben. I’ll have Halina fix this. You won’t remember a thing.”
I straightened in my seat, wondering just how much Teren was planning on taking. If he took everything of Ben’s memory, then he’d have to take Tracey’s too; we’d spent too much time as a foursome. I suddenly realised that by marrying him, I’d sort of signed away all of my relationships too. Teren noticed my rigidness, but didn’t comment. Ben looked up, cringing. “She freaks me out, man.” Teren smiled softly and Ben added, “How much will she erase? Will I even remember you?”
Teren sighed and looked at him for achingly long moments. I thought he was debating right now if he should just end the friendship. I felt those tears from earlier slide down my cheeks. Finally, he softly said, “I’ll only take the day of the wedding.” He left it at that, but I could clearly hear the part he didn’t say…for now.
Ben didn’t catch it and instantly brightened, relief filling his gorgeous face. “Oh, thank you. I was hoping we’d still be…” He swallowed and looked down, suddenly not able to look at Teren anymore. “You hate me, right? Think I’m weak.” He glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
Teren smiled and patted his back. “No, Ben. I understand. You’re not the first who couldn’t handle knowing.”
Ben nodded and glanced at me sheepishly before turning back to Teren. “I’m really sorry, you guys. I wish I could…” He sighed and shrugged.
Teren stood, extending a hand to Ben, who stood and clasped it in a friendly shake. Friendly, but businesslike. Teren smiled at Ben and told him it was okay again, that he understood and wasn’t angry. A part of me wanted to tell him that too, but a bitter part of me just thought Ben should man up and deal with it, and for now, I listened to that part. I stayed on the couch, arms crossed over my chest, not wanting to share in the warm goodbyes. Teren deserved having a friend that loved him for him, and everything that entailed.
After a swift goodbye, Teren told him, “I’ll line up a meeting with Halina. It may take a little bit though. Will you be okay until then?”
Ben smiled nervously, but nodded. I frowned, knowing that Halina would come right now if Teren called for her. He was still giving his friend a chance, still holding out hope that Ben might choose to know him, rather than not know him. Ben sputtered apologies again and then sheepishly backed out of the room. I said nothing as he left, barely even acknowledging his hasty exit. I was still too busy being pissed off for Teren, since he didn’t appear to be.
After showing him out, Teren came back to the living room and sat down in the same spot on the couch. He was silent, looking composed, and staring straight ahead of himself. I thought to say something, just didn’t know what. Then a low sob broke from his lips. After that, it was like he crumbled, his head dropping into his hands as he started lightly crying. I was at his side immediately, holding him, stroking his back and murmuring sympathies.
Mentally I cursed Ben for finding us, for walking into that room. I silently berated him for freaking out and for wanting to forget, for hurting Teren with his rejection. But I couldn’t completely hate him, not even when Teren gave up stoicism and sought comfort from me, laying his head in my lap and sniffling back his pain. Even then, I couldn’t hate Ben. I couldn’t hate him, because I sort of understood him. I understood his fear anyway. Sometimes I even shared it.
I just loved Teren enough to deal with it.
To Be Continued on Next Chapter... ... ...