Quote:
Originally Posted by benjm85
Thanks bro for your advice.
Yes I am married and she understands it is hard for me to get a divorce due to kids. She is ok to remain the current relationship with me as she knows I am also having some marital issues with my wife.
She wants to come back to work ktv to earn more money while she still has the looks and beauty, to save up enough money to set up a shop in hcm. She has been sharing with me her plans on what is her plan and the estimated budget for the business. She also say that it is easier for us to meet if she can stay in singapore long term, as currently she is flying over once a month to meet. (Hard for me to fly over as I am married)
Her 1st stint working in ktv was last year under a 6 months WP, and that was how I get to know her. She frankly told me that she is here to look for lao kong as her cousin successfully found one here and is happily married 😆
I did not reveal the fact that I am married during the 1st 6 months together, and she had the impression that I will marry her. After she knew I am married, she was alittle shock and upset that I lied to her. But she say she can’t bear to give up the relationship.
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Your gf already told you, that she is in Singapore hoping for a relationship with a view to marriage.
Do you understand what this really means? I may be over-thinking here, but having been involved with a few Viet girls and knowing some basic Viet (and thankful to have a great Viet tuition teacher!), let me probably share some cultural lessons which I learnt the hard way. I wish I knew some of these things earlier on in my relationship(s), which would have saved me much heartache.
If your gf thinks in Viet, but speaks in English (the huge majority of them do), the choice of words carry a lot of meaning. Viet is a high-context language, vs English which is a low-context language. English speakers seldom need to infer "hidden" meanings behind the words used because the explicit meaning is contained in the word choice. Viets communicate differently, their language has a much smaller vocabulary so they communicate the nuances in meaning through context, and not through word choice. Viets are very comfortable using words with a high level of ambiguity, expecting the recipient to consider the context and infer the "true meaning" of what they really want to say. If you ever see two Viets chat with each other, it is like watching people speak a variant of Hanyu Pinyin - very very short words, but full of meaning and context. This key difference in communication method, is one of the main sources of misunderstandings between Viet/SG couples.
To put it bluntly - your gf is telling you that she wants a husband. Women who have that wish, usually never give up on that hope. They want a husband, kids, a normal family. Meaning, she will always be on the lookout for suitable guy(s), and from time to time when someone suitable walks into her life, she will go for several "test drives" and you will find yourself having a "gf" who is fucking someone else.
If you are holding on to this relationship in the slim hope that she will accept the "compromise" which is you - then you must emotionally accept the fact that one day she will leave. Unless you are willing to have a kid with her, and support her financially (which you already indicated, that you can't).
Sorry to be so pessimistic, but these are inconvenient truths and it is better to highlight and face the reality - better the ugly truth than the beautiful lie
All the best