What is the secret to long lasting affair?

[cassandradream]

Not talking about FB but a real affair with feelings.

Anyone here on very long, romantic, sexually active, passionate, with mutual understanding companionship? Share the secret of a lasting affair here.

I have an "other man" and he is married with kids. I too have kids. We have been 'going on' for 3 years now. Seeing each other less often lately. Feelings didn't change but he seems distant now. Quite sure it's not about us but his work. I want to know his thoughts because we always share our worries with each other. But lately he keeps to himself. What should I do? I am afraid to lose him. He had been part of my life for years. We both know our standing in each others lives and that is to be a listening ear but lately I don't feel that way. We women still feel insecure at times. We don't want to over react but we do.

Can anyone give me enlightenment? Leaving him is not an option because we are never really a couple.

(If you will comment to bash, don't waste your time. Thank u!)

[maxsee]

Romantic, sexually active and passionate relationship dun really sounds that much like a long lasting relationship. Long lasting relationship is much more than the flesh and lust thingy. It is more on mutual understanding, respecting one another and connection on a certain intellectual level.

That's why i always emphasize never find a spouse that lust after the flesh. Find one that is on the same page as you in terms of intellect and thinking.

[strikeback4]

Not to sound harsh but what do you expect in return for this affair? Just pure love or are you planning to start a family with him?

In any case, being the "mistress" you have to take caution to be rejected anytime or being condemn

A friendly advice if you feel he love you more than his wife, he will cherish you, or else he may treat you as another play thing

I seen alot of ladies getting abandon when the guy becomes bored of them, just recently, this girl I know was the "mistress" and was pregnant with his kids for 2 month, end up the guy suddenly say he cannot love her, only treat her as a "friend" only, end up she was devastated

[MoeLanYong]

Its like asking for the secret to living forever. There is no such thing. You two are in different worlds living different lives with different expectations in an illicit relationship, period. Just telling it like it is.

[kimbaklor]

Originally Posted by maxsee

Romantic, sexually active and passionate relationship dun really sounds that much like a long lasting relationship. Long lasting relationship is much more than the flesh and lust thingy. It is more on mutual understanding, respecting one another and connection on a certain intellectual level.

That's why i always emphasize never find a spouse that lust after the flesh. Find one that is one the same page as you in terms of intellect and thinking.

support with you bro, too much agree on your best opinion. Keep it up

[zxepde]

Not to hijack this thread, but is anyone here in a open marriage/relationship?

I cannot imagine coming up with reasons for my whereabouts. Having to fabricate lies and keeping track of them seems too much of an effort.

[seekerJ]

Originally Posted by cassandradream

Not talking about FB but a real affair with feelings.

Anyone here on very long, romantic, sexually active, passionate, with mutual understanding companionship? Share the secret of a lasting affair here.

I have an "other man" and he is married with kids. I too have kids. We have been 'going on' for 3 years now. Seeing each other less often lately. Feelings didn't change but he seems distant now. Quite sure it's not about us but his work. I want to know his thoughts because we always share our worries with each other. But lately he keeps to himself. What should I do? I am afraid to lose him. He had been part of my life for years. We both know our standing in each others lives and that is to be a listening ear but lately I don't feel that way. We women still feel insecure at times. We don't want to over react but we do.

Can anyone give me enlightenment? Leaving him is not an option because we are never really a couple.

(If you will comment to bash, don't waste your time. Thank u!)

I will assume TS is having an affair with a married man who are both just having companionship of each other as no intention to further than that.

I don't think anyone able to enlighten you for any secret of a lasting "affair".

As affair never last. In some point, affair will be expose or ended when one party lose the interests and find someone else. As there's no real commitment or responsibility to answer each other. It's very easy to just run and say it's over and as if nothing happen.

It's going on for 3 years which is normally the honeymoon period is over. A relationship have to evolve further in order to carry on, if not it will die sooner or later.

Sorry to burst TS bubble but it's something that you might know what's coming. It takes 2 hands to clap, if he don't wish to open himself up there's nothing much you can do.

Hope you able to draw yourself out emotionally from this affair to avoid further damage. This also help you to control your attachment to him.

[JustAJohn]

Since both of you have a family and the obligations and responsibilities that come with a family, it is difficult to maintain a separate relationship over time. It sounds like he is just getting tired of your relationship and is letting it die out. When it is new and exciting you are willing to put in more work and effort to build and maintain the relationship. Over 3 years though the novelty wears off and one person may no longer wish to put in so much effort to maintain the relationship.

You may be overreacting and reading into his actions, but probably not. In general, we men are not great communicators and even worse at breakups. I'd suggest just sitting back a little bit and see what he does. If he does reach out to connect, for more than just quick sex, then great. If not then you know he is no longer interested and you should move on.

[Ladyrain]

He is just no longer interested in making any efforts to enhance the current status quo. He sees no need to.
You are a side palette.
Not main.
He eats you when he feels like. Not obliged to.
You either move on and find another one as rebound if you need.
Or accept it as it is..
Men are cheap creatures.
If you are ever eager for him, he will not treasure you.
He sees you as available as you are.
They forget you choose to be available.
So now the choice lies in your hands.
There is no secret.
The inure you choose to be unavailable for him,
he will come back for more.
If he doesn't, it's his loss.

[YELLOW]

i am also in a similiar relationship . its been 2yrs . we have been each others solemates since this long. its a "marriage" i never had . we respect each other and make sure we discuss feelings and tots. when times are diffiicult we are compassionate and try our best to be avaliable .its not easy . it takes work commitment and belief in each other. ppl would ask so y dont u do the same w ur spouse??? yes .... sometimes issues and state of affairs have deteriorated to such an extent .... its not salvagable......

[jjlsk777]

Sis TS, this is just my views. Don't quote me ar.
In the first place since both of you knows about each other has a family already.
Then you should know the rules of the game.
Sorry if I sound too rude.

[observer85]

Hmm .. i was just wondering .. why some people is so lucky to have a wife/husband but still wanna go eat outside ?
But people like me , wanna a gf also hard? Can i know whats the reason u wanna to have an affair with a married man rather then go fond some singles who really likes u and can give u a future ? .. just for my own reference if u don't mind.. 🤔

[strikeback4]

Originally Posted by observer85

Hmm .. i was just wondering .. why some people is so lucky to have a wife/husband but still wanna go eat outside ?
But people like me , wanna a gf also hard? Can i know whats the reason u wanna to have an affair with a married man rather then go fond some singles who really likes u and can give u a future ? .. just for my own reference if u don't mind.. 🤔

Sometime is partner don't want to give anymore so go and 偷吃

Sometimes is with the partner for too long and as they grow old together, lost the sexual appeal

[Fade]

Sis TS, move on.. move on...

[cassandradream]

Thank you for all the replies.

I will just sit back and relax.

Try to move on and let the emotions sizzle out. I know it is not easy but it can be done.

Got into this because marriage life is sometimes frustrating. The person who should be your source of strength and encouragement are the ones who actually puts you down. Everyone has a story.

Affairs don't last they say. But what if the affair is the only thing that keeps you sane?

Ours is not purely sexual though. We meet for coffee just to talk about trivial and sometimes senseless issues. We even advise each other on how to deal with our marriage and how to make our partners happy. Not everyone can understand that. I will never ever want him to leave his family because family is our greatest gift.

So I know I'm a screwed up mess for being so contradicting (getting in an affair and compromising my 'greatest gift'), oh well, just let it be and let time answer my question for me.