Tell me what he meant...

xiaocrystal · #1 23-08-2012, 10:45 AM

hello to all brothers,

just a short intro abt myself. I'm 25yo, married with 2 little kids. have been reading the threads on and off when I could, and nw I need some advices from you all.

here it goes:
last night I had a quarrel with my hub because I found that he intentionally deleted this whatsapp chat with this particular woman who is single and abt 30-35yo whom he knew from some games. I'm actually okay with him knowing new friends and chat with them because I thought it's just some social networking. but when I realized he deleted the chat (it was there all the while before), I knew something was not quite right. and when questioned, he gave lousy excuses or just trying to smoke away from me. so I threw a fit and we fought because I just hate it for the fact that he can't come clean with me. ended up he threw a punch on my face and now I have a swollen cheekbone. it made me even more mad and suspicious now because how could he did all these to me just over a mere friend known over cyberspace for just less than a week?!!!!

long story short, so after awhile he told me because he sent an image of a box of condoms to her and was just trying to be funny with her, purely joking he meant. in order not to let me gets upset or paranoid, he deleted the chat and so he says. oh forgot to mention, my hub is 2yrs older than me only. so the question now is why does my hub wanna do that to her ie sending her the image?! just purely bought a box of condoms out of fun to chat with her only or he meant other stuffs? (we don't use condoms at all so I dunno why he bought that for ) I really want to know how you guys think?

this is not the first time my hub did such stuffs to me (be it hitting me or cheating on me). I'm just so tired and I really did my job well, looking after the kids well and manage the home well.

Secret7 · #2 23-08-2012, 02:19 PM

Sounds like your husband wants to have side dish. Got wife still looking for chat with other girl. Send condom for what message? This message also not funny unless girl also interested. May not be the only girl he is after, as you mention he cheat you before.

If you and husband before can talk, then best you talk to him slow and sincere now. Let him share but you must listen. If you got no listen then you get hurt and angry. Be careful that what you hear maybe no good, but if everything out in the open, at least can find solution. Now got secret between you two so not helpful for trust and security.

But he is violent to you so you may need counsellor to help him because if he angry, you gonna get hit again.

You not in good position. Wish you good luck.

acidicavex · #3 23-08-2012, 02:30 PM

Talk it out but hitting a woman is a no no family violent a no no. Frankly you have a serious problem on hand which is the beating part. Suggest you both go council. Not a very health marriage if one party is the beater and the other receiver.

Look obvious he want some action.

magicbrush · #4 23-08-2012, 02:31 PM

It is quite clear to you already TS. For him to send such message is not only trying to be funny. He is trying out something funny.

Like you mentioned that he had a track record of fooling around. To me deliberately sending a image of condoms may not be a innocent intent.
Cannot stand him hitting you regardless of situation.
Take care of yourself.

PeaceWithin · #5 23-08-2012, 02:32 PM

- Whether you believe his story or not, it's your prerogative. if you do not believe, just tell him you do not believe.
- Every action has its consequences. So you have to decide what will your reaction be if it is true.
- Nothing will come out from a shouting match.

But most important of all, regardless he did have a thing outside or not. Throwing a punch is criminal. Remember that.

SonOfAGun · #6 23-08-2012, 02:40 PM

Sorry to hear this. I think this is possible...that he is purely mischievous, but yet at the same time, he doesnt want U to be unduly suspicious. That I believe him, because I would do the same to my Mrs. Men's perspective.

What I cannot tolerate is a man hitting a woman, no matter how fedup he is or how frustrated the wife makes him.

I am not a racist...but are U guys (your hubby and U) chinese?

<<totally>> · #7 23-08-2012, 02:45 PM

Sis. no matter how bad a guy can be, I strongly believed he should not raised his hands on you. This type of asshole, I think you should be reconsidering whether to spend your life with.

If he has past records of cheating and hurt you, I do see that sending of a condom box image is indicating some fun with the girl he knew over cyberspace.
Is it not really whether you did your job well a not but whether the heart of your hubby is firmly secured to you a not.

If he is strong with his faith and believe in the relationship, I think as a man I will be tempted to try but in the end still give up on that idea because I do not want anything to destroy my family.

Maybe for your case, he is the person providing for the family so you are enduring not for yourself but for the two little kids that you have. However to a certain point in time of your life, the suffering will be too much for you to bear thus causing you to snap or you just accept the fact that it is your fate and keeping quiet, hoping one day he will turn back to you.

My advise to you is try to get someone who your hubby might listen and tell him to advise your hubby. If anymore beatings, you report the police and get protection act for yourself and the kids. A short moment of pain is better than a prolong suffering.

After all you did try to save whatever is left but in a relationship, it has to be from two willing parties coming together to see what is deemed fit to be done. Your hubby really need to learn his lesson. Keeping quiet will not do any help but to fuel his guts to beat you up in a more serious state.

BigBoy2 · #8 23-08-2012, 02:46 PM

Report the hitting incident to the police by going for check up in the hospital...... You can reserve the rights to sue him or not. Threaten him that you will go to court if necessary if he misbehave again.

I am a man myself and I cannot accept any human being with great strength taking on the weaker ones.... Pick someone your own size....... Sorry if any bro out there disagree. Just my 2 cents worth.

notti4u · #9 23-08-2012, 02:47 PM

First of all, he hit u before and u still stay with him? did u both see a counsellor before on this or did you ask him to go for anger management course? It is not right to hit wife or gf cos they are also daughter of her parents. Ask him, if one day your girl are beaten by his hubby, how would you feel?

As for the condom issues, did u keep forcing him to a corner? I had been forced to a corner before by my wife despite me explaining to her on one of my ex-colleague give me heart chocolate during valentine day and stupid of me to bring home for my kids to eat. I did explained to her that nothing is between us which is not true but she refused to listen. So at times, u need to close one eye and close another and act blur unless you wanted to divorce him.

Reoxy · #10 23-08-2012, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiaocrystal

this is not the first time my hub did such stuffs to me (be it hitting me or cheating on me). I'm just so tired and I really did my job well, looking after the kids well and manage the home well.

A cheating husband may still be worthwhile to forgive.

A violent husband is just a ticking time-bomb. Better look for an exit.

Meow^^ · #11 23-08-2012, 03:15 PM

Sis,

Firstly, i always tell myself we human always do things with a reason. In this case (your Hubby) do have a reason, be it fooling around or joking around. You should know it well enough as you have been with him for years.

Everyman, even women, do have times when they are in a moment of heat did some foolish things. But if people do regrets and change for a better, life would still be good, If things doesn't change, will it be a good ideal to spend your rest of your years or days with him? I am not asking you to leave him or what. It's best both of you can find a solutions to it and make life more worth while our life is short why suffer where you can be happy enjoying?

I do agree that married couples do have some quarrels but things must not resolve into violent and especially a Man hitting a WOMEN.....If help needed, please seek help from relevent people or organization. Wish you luck Sis.

xiaocrystal · #12 23-08-2012, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonOfAGun

Sorry to hear this. I think this is possible...that he is purely mischievous, but yet at the same time, he doesnt want U to be unduly suspicious. That I believe him, because I would do the same to my Mrs. Men's perspective.

What I cannot tolerate is a man hitting a woman, no matter how fedup he is or how frustrated the wife makes him.

I am not a racist...but are U guys (your hubby and U) chinese?

yes bro, we are Chinese.

xiaocrystal · #13 23-08-2012, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notti4u

First of all, he hit u before and u still stay with him? did u both see a counsellor before on this or did you ask him to go for anger management course? It is not right to hit wife or gf cos they are also daughter of her parents. Ask him, if one day your girl are beaten by his hubby, how would you feel?

As for the condom issues, did u keep forcing him to a corner? I had been forced to a corner before by my wife despite me explaining to her on one of my ex-colleague give me heart chocolate during valentine day and stupid of me to bring home for my kids to eat. I did explained to her that nothing is between us which is not true but she refused to listen. So at times, u need to close one eye and close another and act blur unless you wanted to divorce him.

yes I had to still stay with him. I'm not working and the kids still need the support financially. truthfully, if I had to stay now is not because I wanna salvage this marriage. I'm staying on for the money and for the sake of the kids.

forcing him to a corner? I just Dowan to bj for him but I'm always sex-ready.

xiaocrystal · #14 23-08-2012, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by <<totally>>

Sis. no matter how bad a guy can be, I strongly believed he should not raised his hands on you. This type of asshole, I think you should be reconsidering whether to spend your life with.

If he has past records of cheating and hurt you, I do see that sending of a condom box image is indicating some fun with the girl he knew over cyberspace.
Is it not really whether you did your job well a not but whether the heart of your hubby is firmly secured to you a not.

If he is strong with his faith and believe in the relationship, I think as a man I will be tempted to try but in the end still give up on that idea because I do not want anything to destroy my family.

Maybe for your case, he is the person providing for the family so you are enduring not for yourself but for the two little kids that you have. However to a certain point in time of your life, the suffering will be too much for you to bear thus causing you to snap or you just accept the fact that it is your fate and keeping quiet, hoping one day he will turn back to you.

My advise to you is try to get someone who your hubby might listen and tell him to advise your hubby. If anymore beatings, you report the police and get protection act for yourself and the kids. A short moment of pain is better than a prolong suffering.

After all you did try to save whatever is left but in a relationship, it has to be from two willing parties coming together to see what is deemed fit to be done. Your hubby really need to learn his lesson. Keeping quiet will not do any help but to fuel his guts to beat you up in a more serious state.

I nvr dare to tell my family nor his abt our problems. no one knows he hit me or have affairs outside. everyone view him as a good hub and father, probably because he did his part as the one bringing bck the bacon. apart from that, I'm also quite conscious of how people look at me so that's why I'm keeping all to myself. whenever there are bruises, I always just tell people I fell or hurt myself in my clumsy state.

I'm staying on for the money only for the kids. it's no joke to raise 2 single-handedly, plus I have no high qualifications nor much job experiences. our marriage was a shotgun.....

littlepok · #15 23-08-2012, 03:59 PM

my 1 cent worth of thought...

TS sign up in Jan 2011 meaning u also quite active in this forum also, despite having 2 posts only. for reading sake or CCA for ownself?

anyway, nonetheless, landing hands on wife is the worst thing a man can do. it seems to me u are a fulltime housewife taking care of kids hence u are dependent on him for survival.

I recommend u making arrangements to start going outside to work, be it for own sake and kids. u need some income in case of worst case scenario (divorce) and widen your scope so u will not be a frog in a well. after some time, the husband will feel he cannot communicate with u (soon u will be complaining about rising vege cost).

buying condom to take photos is BS, to be plain even if he never used on the new friend, rest assured he uses it elsewhere. he might have strayed, how much do u treasure the relationship then? talk to him calmly when the chance appears, talk to him about beating u up is seriously not acceptable. leave if it happens again or a Personal Protection Order for u and kids.