Reminiscence or Nostalgia

[Ramone]

First post ever so seeking honest feedback.

First ever gf while in secondary school, while young and naive, always had a special spot for her despite us never ever having any debaucherous adult engagements except for the handholding and innocent smooches. We parted our infactuation ways but still kept in longterm absent contact.

We moved along our own ways as we grew and were mostly catch up friends of a missing getback opportunity scenarios (when i broke up with my gf she was with someone and when she was off with her end, I was with another gf) nevertheless when we caught up, it always seemed to never had missed any of the long term abscence that was there. We would get straight back into conversations and chats like it was just the same without any discomfort of abscence. Never did we ever say when we will have this abscence and when we prearrange a catch up again but it was always very pleasurable to hear from her again and i hope/believe likewise vice versa.

Fast forward, I am married (and am still with kids) while she was too but have since divorced (with a kid) and in our 30s. The last time we caught up was 6 years ago before i left with family for overseas career. While surprising, we always maintained the same numbers and last week we smsed to surprise that it was so. We immediately caught up for dinner and drinks and it seems like this catch up was diffferently positive, we chatted more and have been doing so every day during business hours during lunch of over the phone.

The soft spot should ease considering the infactuations of teen vs how much aged we are presently to jump into any recklessness unfortunately it does not seem so on my part, dunno if she is so to keeping it platonic since we are like excitable bunnies when we meet and catch up.

Am still very much physically attracted to her and excitable to want to see her more as to me she is still the same in personality and character albeit an even more mature lady than what she was everytime we met. Do not know if she feels the same though always obliging to meet yet as a hidden principle not to call after hours knowing i am with family, when we meet, it feels sparkly.

Am not very sure anymore if this is hinging on remininscence or nostalgia cos the tingling feels seems always there growing as we meet despite the abscence. This again is possibly one of the missing getback opportunity scenarios but would it be then a wayward temptation for us to finally succumb in a moment passion if she does feel the same? What would you do in this predicament.... both logical or emotional or physical?

[Gambit7]

I think it's better to let go of the past mate... U r married already, and when u get on with her, will it jeopardize ur family's harmony? U better ask urself that question. If u think there's a chance that it will, u better let go of ur past with her. If u think it will be perfectly safe, then u can do whatever u want with her.

Another question that u might want to think about, once u get on with her, u r actually risking ur years of friendship with her. When things r fine, everything will be fine, but when things go wrong, i think u guys wont be in the same state as before anymore.

So give urself time and space to think about these 2 questions before u decide on anything.

0.1 cents food for thoughts

[superhuman]

Let me jump straight into the qns-

1) Do u wanna bed her?

2) If not, what is your intention of maintaining a close r/s with her. As far as I can read, it seems like u want to be more than friends.

3) Cont pt 3, do u want to have an affair

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Nice interesting thread.
Go here:
http://www.sbfsg.net/showthread.php?t=285178
Good thread to help u answer many questions.
Seems like the gals r saying exactly wats on ur mind lol.

[sane]

Originally Posted by Ramone

First post ever so seeking honest feedback.

unfortunately it does not seem so on my part, dunno if she is so to keeping it platonic since we are like excitable bunnies when we meet and catch up.

Am still very much physically attracted to her and excitable to want to see her more as to me she is still the same in personality and character albeit an even more mature lady than what she was everytime we met. Do not know if she feels the same though always obliging to meet yet as a hidden principle not to call after hours knowing i am with family, when we meet, it feels sparkly.

Am not very sure anymore if this is hinging on remininscence or nostalgia cos the tingling feels seems always there growing as we meet despite the abscence. This again is possibly one of the missing getback opportunity scenarios but would it be then a wayward temptation for us to finally succumb in a moment passion if she does feel the same? What would you do in this predicament.... both logical or emotional or physical?

If you respect your long time friend, don't toy with her feelings. What can you give her? Ditch her after having fun? When the moment of passion is over, there will only be pain and agony.

She might meet u to catchup the old times but don't risk because of some fake moment of happiness. Be realistic and wake up from the dreamy moments.

If you still want a happyfamily, respect from your kids and a friendship to grow old with, be honest with your wife. Intro your friends to her, get her to join the outings. Don't risk her trust to you. It's priceless.

[Ramone]

Thanks all who gave some and grounded advice. The downside is definitely huge considering that hell hath no fury like a woman's scorned.....

1) Wife calls for a lawyer takes kids and rips my assets in half, life not be the same and in tatters.
2) Friend gets emotional, cannot get the time wanted, gets down to furious sms or calls when not on and goes crazy, wife realises in whatever shit way...., see (1)

All said and done putting emotions aside and focusing on the brain between the legs, am just so damn curious how some on the forum get away with a FB relationship.

Yes, could be the habour of thoughts to be physically attracted to her still yet letting emotions be clouded into thinking that its more emotional than physical when actually its the other wayward side.

Hmm...Still standing by the game table, taking the considerations into heart. The greed of man trying to fulfil what he has not attained is probably putting myself at the table side when i can easily just get a equivalent FL and not so deep into repercussions.

More advise pls.

[Ramone]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

Nice interesting thread.
Go here:
http://www.sbfsg.net/showthread.php?t=285178
Good thread to help u answer many questions.
Seems like the gals r saying exactly wats on ur mind lol.

Oh yes thanks for this thread and yes was already reading it before it was pointed out to me.

Agree with the tactics and ruses that are employed.... beach shit and drinks and letting down guard and so on.

In fact, she did say we should catch up and so in the last week, I caught up with her for evening drinks BUT with a friend so that it does not seem that crooked way rather was more like a real catch up just to evaluate the situation which was really fine by me. I did promise dinner but she as she had to disappear for a while to get some stuff done and come back again it was just drinks (3 the most) and off the evening at 11pm for an early night. Next day was then lunch where to me was making it up for lost dinner promise but a 1on1 so lunch was 2 hrs chat and stuff...... Of course it was always me asking whats her plans and on my suggests, it was always adopted with no push from her end.

I do explicitly talk on my kids and wife and so on during our chats and not pathetics like me, me, me, me (poor married life me kinda shit). I shared on my family and so on and also asked on hers albeit not so really knife edge stuff like why her divorce etc etc rather skim the areas of issues between both of us that we already knew or that we left off.

Was supposed to at least catch up Fri evening (eg lets play by ear since she did have an earlier planned girls out night) but my other apts were not allowing while she had then informed that she cancelled hers when i was moving in between my apts from one to another..... left a well wishing weekend msg sms to her at the end of both my apts and left it as that.

So here i stand Monday am.... lets see. Pls note this aint no crap reality tv shit stuff, rather a situation of uncertainty and dilema and not a rash dive into the deep end of the pool so am reallly open to hear advise and from women as well so see if there is some over sight on my part to this funny sparks...

[sane]

Originally Posted by Ramone

Oh yes thanks for this thread and yes was already reading it before it was pointed out to me.

Agree with the tactics and ruses that are employed.... beach shit and drinks and letting down guard and so on.

Pls note this aint no crap reality tv shit stuff, rather a situation of uncertainty and dilema and not a rash dive into the deep end of the pool so am reallly open to hear advise and from women as well so see if there is some over sight on my part to this funny sparks...

Actually u have already summarised very well. Eh..what kind of advise do you stil wan?

[Ramone]

Well, maybe sometimes its good to here totally independant out of the scenario advice from others in this case. At this juncture i am keeping status quo to not jump and make meself a fool if it was just my over reactions to the sparks and if so maybe a little time to let it sink could ebb away the testorone and let some brain matter sink into logical handling plans.

Was just hoping to hear from others on the both sides of the fence....

[Ramone]

So am back, was feeling under weather last days and had brief chats with regathered first gf. Sounds of concern and checking on well being from her eg stop and go see dr, did u take meds, rest more and get well......

Fast forward, had am breakfast today and continued the chat 8am after days of viewing abstinence before both of us started work, talked on home stuff and she volunteered, no pets at home, no one at home and no partners currently and living on her own...... when she said that, i was like hmmmm and then sigh. Sounded like invitation and i probed more like how abt the friends scene then like going travelling and have some personal time with friends and said she is desirous whenever she can but really depends on friends as not all available always. She sounds lonely and being divorced for a while now seems to definitely have needs that may not be met

As we were chatting, just could not keep eyes trained away from her ample bosom and fantasizing the heck we could be doing if the invite is real. Is it an invite though not directed as yet? what do u think....

[checkeredstars]

so ramone, how is it going?

my opinion is, ask yourself what you really want. The first one will always be the most special one which you will hold closely to your heart, but the first one may not necessarily be the one who can provide you with what you and your family need. Before you rush to make any decision, have to think of the consequences, is it worth fighting for a divorcee whom you thought you once loved? Sometimes, the reason why we always hold on to the first one so tight was because the memories imprinted are of the most significant. But that does not mean we have seen its' imperfections and the differences.. I hope you understand what I'm driving at.

I have a similar experience with you, where my first boyfriend and I had close contact for 9 years, and each time we suffered breakups or got issues, we will always be the first to look for each other. Needless to say, we ended up bedding each other, only to realize it was out of loneliness and in need for attention. I didn't loved him anymore, and I didn't realized how much have changed over the past 9 years, that he wasn't the one I loved so much and vice versa.

Eventually, I stopped contacting him and every now and then, he still texts me and make efforts to reach me even though he has a girlfriend. Does he still likes me? I don't care. All I know is it takes lots of discipline to resist this, and a lot of hardwork to maintain my current relationship with a damn awesome guy and I wouldn't want a past to rampage everything I have built.

Hope everything goes well to you soon.

[Ramone]

thanks checkeredstars for your feedback. The going's ok so far, we did have the chats daily and of course the stolen moments for lunch or breakfast, short but interesting. We chat on about work and personal life stuff and she is starting to drop kinda more hints if i think they are what they are, bored and wanting to take time away from work with me to say catch a movie in the pm, going for a good fun buffet, cooking at her place for her.... etc

I did say to her that its probably a feeling of loneliness and of course being without someone for such a while it is only human and natural that i think you are looking and yearning for some spoilt treatment and being loved and taken care of.... and she says most likely yes... and she did not resist the idea of cooking at her place for her as she mentioned.

I am taking it in stride and not like a hormonal teenager rushing in like the wind because i do know its wrong for an affair yet i am definitely physically attracted to her and a moment of rash seems impending but i am biting my lips. It might happen that i could get invited to her place one pm and then what...say no? From a lady's perspect what does it mean if she does so with the rest of the 'hints', oh yes the daily chats have yielded concern advise of, "make sure u have yr lunch, dun hang out too late ok, drive safe yes...."

Still hanging on not to really reciprocate directly and keeping it at "ok thanks" "yes I will" "Lets see oh yes you know this place etc etc etc" "I can cook lunch for you no probs as long as i dun blow up your kitchen"

Help!!!!! Am worried i fall into the darkside of lust where she too is hinting towards that way....

[milford]

since she is offering free lunch then take 1 day mc and spent one afternoon delight with her. however, dont get emotionally attached to her after that. Can eat free and f*** free.

[Ramone]

Been a while and am back, loads of updates actually or unfortunately. Since the last post, we had been away for many lunches, a few breakfast, a few nice quiet evening drinks... With so many an encounters, was actually having breakfast at her place a few times and no, nothing happened as we just ate and chat before then breaking seperately off to work.

Progression is definitely along the way towards the cliff (loads of between words smses of how we feel) though we have not had any physical or sexual contact that could deem me as an infidelity candidate, but in heart I know i already am.

Sigh...... its just cheap that I know this earlier and yet allow it to be heading that way. If we do make out, i believe the guilt might run me to death but the savoury temptation is so overpowering. Spiraling out of control I feel....

[nuclearkid]

Sounds like a longgggg foreplay with the banter bouncing between the two of you, bro Ramone. Things are really just as simple as you want them to be or as complicated. You project an impression that you are going with the flow, yearning to be surprised and confident about extricating yourself when you deem it too hot to handle. Most men fail at the evacuation procedure and those that survive didn't permit themselves to come this far. So, odds are, you are indeed headed for the cliff. Such entanglements are unwieldy due to the emotional element which I would hazard a guess is your case with the frequency of communication between you two. She's probably often in your head when you think alone?

The potentially good thing about this is seemingly lack of expectations on her part, you could yet survive unscathed but you never know what she's thinking. An irrational woman can do serious damage! So you ask yourself what you hope to achieve letting this episode run its course. Its back to the risk-reward profile. Decide if its worth running the risk in a worst case scenario. From a bloke's perspective, the curiousity, which is likely a dominant emotion in you right now, probably wouldn't abate until you get to at least second base (Ok, that's my threshold... you may be contented just holding hands). So, in view of that, if you can't survive the fallout, time to eject now.